Grief

Dealing with Grief

Grief is something that we can never truly be prepared for. Even if you know the loss of a loved one is coming, when they are finally gone you still feel the rush of feelings, thoughts, anxieties and heartache. Grief is a healthy part of life. It is a natural part of the healing process and can
ultimately help us grow and move forward with life.

According to Dr. Stephen Joseph, he believes that the grief process can be broken down into six steps. He refers to these steps as the six signposts to facilitate posttraumatic growth. Each signpost is a step you should take during the journey of grief. It’s important to remember that everyone grieves differently. There is no logical order to follow and the path is not a straight one. There will be twists and turns, obstacles and difficulties, but ultimately, you will eventually make it through.

Before he identifies the six signposts, Dr. Joseph makes sure to remind people of three very important things.
  • You are not alone
  • Trauma is a normal and natural process
  • Growth is a journey
It’s also important to remember Dr. Joseph’s fundamental rule: don’t do anything you might not be able to handle. He advises that “if you experience intense emotions, become physically upset or begin to panic...stop.” It is important to understand that you might not be able to handle certain things right now. Dr. Joseph advises that “as you discover new strength and develop new coping skills, this will likely change.”

Here are the six signposts Dr. Joseph recommends for facilitating post traumatic growth.

1. Take Stock

Remember to take stock of how you are doing both physically and mentally. Are you physically well? Have you been eating enough and getting good sleep? It’s important to understand your current condition and make the physical, spiritual and emotional changes you need. Sometimes this means getting medical, legal or psychological help.

2. Harvesting Hope

When someone is traumatized by a loss, even things like getting out of bed can be difficult. People often feel hopeless which can spark thoughts of pessimism and negativity. It’s important to practice hope and set goals you can achieve. If you need inspiration, read stories of personal growth that others have achieved.

3. Re-Authoring

Remember, you are not a victim of loss but instead a survivor. Dr. Joseph recommends learning to tell your story differently. By replacing victim mentality with a survivor mentality in your story, you can return to a sense of control over your life.

4. Identifying Change

Start tracking the small changes in your journey with a daily journal. By beginning to track the moments you feel at your best, you can better understand how you got there. Being able to identify these triggers can help you nurture the positive changes you want to experience during your bereavement journey.

5. Valuing Change

Once you have begun to track these changes you’ve experienced, start identifying the ones you want to continue nurturing. Personal growth occurs when we take the time to think about the things we have learned from loved ones and find a way to share them with others.

6. Expressing Change In Action

The final signpost is learning to express your growth in new behaviors. This means being able to
put your growth into action. By thinking in terms of concrete actions, it will make the growth
experienced in your bereavement seem real.


Sources
Joseph, S. (2011) What Doesn't Kill Us: The New Psychology of Posttraumatic Growth.
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